Two days ago, I had a bad day.
It was an emotionally charged, cry in the parking lot of Whole Foods, eat the biggest, chocolatiest brownie in the land (after attempting to be healthy), listen to Sara Barielles, no good very bad day.
The worst part? Nothing actually happened.
Blame hormones.. blame extremely early PMS… blame being a girl – blame the full moon for all I care. It didn’t matter.
I was fortunate, though, to have enough functioning mental capacity that I recognized it wasn’t right… That there was nothing truly at the root of this (though I was sure to exacerbate the tiniest of things to blame and panic over) – that there was nothing actually going on that was worth feeling this way… and while some of my legitimate (albeit stupid) insecurities did surface, I truly did recognize that it was irrational to feel so upset.
But that didn’t stop me from feeling that way in the least. Especially at a time in my life when I have been telling myself to trust my instincts. To stop second guessing what my gut was telling me.
But instead, I did the smartest thing I could think of and removed myself from humans before I said something so undeniably crazy that I wouldn’t be able to mulligan it when I was sane again.
Though it took a bit of time, it did get better. So much better.
I went to sleep that night calm, and then I woke up yesterday calm – and I was thankful for all the things I could then see that seemed invisible or absent the day before.
So I decided to list the things I was thankful for in order as they occurred during the day, just as I mentally listed the things I “hated” the day prior while crying over chocolate and post-it notes.
So here are the things that made me irrationally happy yesterday:
Waking up warm and in the arms of someone who makes the world around me dissolve (even while a horrific sounding alarm is going off)
Greek yogurt, granola, and mixed berries.
The boxes of chocolate that have the chocolates with just coconut in the middle. They are impossible to find, but if you find one… Pure.Bliss.
Feeling like I’m doing a good job at something.
Parking lot kisses
A motion activated office light that alerts me when I have been way too still for way too long.
Laughing out loud
One of the hardest working people with the one of the most positive attitudes.
The various ways in which humans interpret floral arrangements.
Afternoon hot chocolate
Having enough perspective (albeit delayed) to realize I am being an asshole.
Airplay, bubble wrap, and hula-hoops
Dinner in sweats
A respectable shoulder-to-waist ratio
Falling asleep fast and hard and in the same way you woke up.
When I was 19, I got a giant, unfortunate, and regrettable tattoo around my hip that reads “To be blessed, you have to be cursed first,” a sort of nod to the whole, “the sweet is never as sweet without the sour” idea.
Two days ago, I had a bad day; but I don’t consider myself even remotely “cursed” – and despite what people would assume about fairly recent events in my life, I don’t consider my life sour either… but what I did forget is that the silver lining in those rough days… experiencing those stupid, crazy, irrational lows… can also bring about some wonderful, wonderful highs.